sunday

Will called me on Sunday and asked if I was going to the house church. But til 12:30 I had not had lunch and not showered or shaved. So I decided not to go, instead I went for grocery shopping with Yuejian. Then I played DotA, then I got sick of it and went to lab. Hours later, on my way back home from lab, I thought, 2007 is almost over, 2008 will come. What am I gonna be 10 years later? Best scenario, a job, wife, house, car, is that all? Then I got tired of my own limitation. I got afraid of numbers, like how much income I can make in 10 years, how many hours I spend on sleep, and so on.

What is the purpose of my life? Where does true happiness come from for me? I asked myself. Money, work, friendship, parentship, love/sex? I worship God because I want to be a better person. God, is your love unconditional or I need to work for it. If the latter, I am not afraid to work to win your love. Then, I come to a conclusion, Tian, you need to spend yourself on the things you are supposed to do.

Deep huh?

proactive

proactive: acting in anticipation of future problems, needs, or changes

(Merriam-Webster.com)

There is a job opening at the supercomputing institute at the U. In the job requirement it says "it is expected that the person that fills this position will take a proactive approach in communicating the unique research potential of the computing facilities to the university community".

That's my problem. For example, when I play soccer, most often I pass the ball to another player's position. Wrong. It should go to where I want it to be, and it should be ahead of him. To be proactive, I need to have vision, plan and action. It's difficult, but I have to have them. Vision comes from experience and thoughts, plan comes from worry and action comes from determination. So, to be professional, what is needed to be successful in this job? This question I have to ask myself again and again before interview. Skills, knowledge of the market and patience. Yes, patience, I am not patient when comes to communication. Don't be frustrated when things don't work at first. It takes time to communicate.

Another view, proactive = professionally active. Yes I want to be proactive.

superantispyware

I have solved the computer virus an malware problem on my advisor's computer. The magic is called superantispyware. This software is awesome. It found 135 infected items on the computer, of which 80 something were hidden in the Windows registry which was not detected by Norton Anti-virus. Best part, it is free download and small, even though it needs to check and uncheck some options to enable full-computer scan. Some anti-malware software itself has pop-ups for updating virus definition, which is annoying. This superantispyware has no update-pop-ups. If your computer has pop-ups that recommend you buying something, consider this software.

Download link: http://www.snapfiles.com/get/SuperAntiSpyware.html
PC Magazine review: http://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,1759,2127210,00.asp
(only scored average in the review, but it did good job for me)

errata

The subtitle of my blog was "I will write everything happening in my wife..". It was wrong, not "in my wife" but "in my life". I just corrected it. Apparently I can't write everything in my wife, she is not pregnant and might have faith in future but not right now, sad to say.

I think I have decided to be a post-doc for my advisor. Is it a real job? Yes it is, but not a dream one. But I should be able to perform as I get paid. I found a sublease for a studio in dinkytown. A 2-bedroom is a waste for me right now.

bouncing around

hi, blog, I am typing on my professor's laptop in a small living room located in a big city -- San Fransisco. I can't type very fast because of tons of pop-ups and ads and virus. Yes, this computer is infected, I have to say. I didn't click on something, trust me. But anyway, I NEED to fix this computer before going back to school.

As some people know, I passed my Ph.D. defense on last Tuesday. After that, I drank too much and sleep too much, so I didn't have time to blog about it. Yes, the defense was fine. It was 1:30pm in the afternoon right after lunch. 20 minutes into my presentation, I almost fell into asleep, while still talking. Then I noticed 3 of the 4 professors have already closed their eyes and slept.. Yes I know it's boring..Then 40 minutes later they woke up and start shooting tons of harsh questions to me. Still brain-cooked, I failed to answer half of them. But thanks God, I still passed the exam. Then we went for beer afterwards. Then I played DotA til 4 am. Then I got up, prepare for the interview due the next day. Then I flew to Dallas/Fort Worth.

The interviews was ok. Guys, there are tooooo many old people in Texas, as I noticed. The company I visited has only 13 people. Geez, Ocean's 13 almost. And they are all in their 40s and 50s, "mid-career" as they called themselves. Still writing computer codes, they somewhat scared me by the boredom of their career life. "Well, i am not sure I want to devote my life to computer codes", I said to myself. But besides that, they are cool people selling cool products.

Then I flew to San Fransisco to meet my wife who I have not seen for 1 and half month. 11:30pm I arrived at her apartment, still in suites. Seeing her walking closer, I felt the moment when we first met came back again. When I saw her, I noticed that I missed her.

out of town 09/27 - 10/08

So I will not be able to go to the Rock and the small groups, but I can still go to the Rock by the power of imagination.

DotA

Yes, as everybody knows, I play DotA!! The most exciting game without a monthly subscription fee. Yes, between the time period of preparing for interviews, defense, long-distance communication with my wife, such such problems, when I get an hour I will play DotA.

DotA is a gaming that you fight your opponent by killing and fight against your teammates by trash talking. If you play you will know what i am saying. The most noobish player on a team is usually the victim of teammates trash talking. Oh man, I can't describe it in words, those moments are hilarious. When I get involved, I might become angry at the moment, but afterwards I will just laugh when thinking about it.

Yeah, this is one moment two teammates begin to hate me because I creep (kill neutral monsters for experience and gold) too much instead of helping them. Then I finally decide to join them for a gank (gang kill). Then during a gank, my net was laggy, I was still creeping when my teammates get killed right in front of me. Huge hatred builds up among my teammates and also I have to defend myself then trash talks start... $%$$#%@^%**#$. But it is amusing now, ^_^

moving out

creepy, my landlord found out that i have rent one bedroom to others. so what's the problem? The problem is, in the rent handbook page 123 line 23 written in a fine print such such, meaning i am not supposed to do this.
I was asked to go to a court, state what is happening, and then fined 70 dollars/month.

too much, my roommates decided to move out, and they did. So i got a chance to drive a huge UHaul truck and helped them move out.

Will i still live there? the problem is, i don't know how long i am gonna live there. My advisor offered me a job here, but being a postdoc won't get me anywhere close to san fransisco. life is confusing right now. Will my advisor hate me if i get a job somewhere else without notifying him? No, no, no, tian, you should think what is your most needed right now and go for it. If I can not help yourself, how can I help others? or do I want to?

Talking to people is the most important skill, i realized, not write some who-knows-what codes. It's the human communication makes the society working and money circulating, not some damn-ass computer codes I have spent five years on. seriously. I talk to everybody in our department now, secretary, professors, janitors. Tian, if you grasp the art of talking, you will become the man!

The most confused renter, that is me, because I don't know how long i am gonna live here.

sally's

As a tradition of our lab, we go to sally's for a drink after someone get a degree. So we did yesterday after Ryan's Ph. D. defense. Yes, my defense will be on next Tuesday. Farewell, my student life! The five years that I have spent in graduate school in U of M contain a lot of highlights, some of them are "wet".

1. During my TA exam, ie, I taught a class and let the graders to see if I am able to do it well. I was teaching physics, something like Newton's law. So I pulled out a rubber-band and prepared to do a little experiment in front of the whole class and graders. However, instead of saying "rubber-band", I said "rubber". RUBBER, "Here is a rubber" "you pull it and it expands" something like that. There was one grader starting laughing, and another one has terrified expression on her face.

2. Faith. Bible gave me moral value and standards which now I treasure a lot. When I was in China, what I pursue was personal satisfaction and success. I did what I can until being punished for doing wrong. Life would have been dangerous if I kept that way of doing.


sry, I can't focus on the topic. And now that I am married, I should not have life freedom any more. Next Tuesday, my Ph. D. final defense. Next Friday, Texas Fort Worth interview, Next Saturday, meet my wife.

5 reasons why my blog sucks

1. quite obviously, i don't update it often
2. the content is boring and deep, at least try to appear deep
3. yeah, the content. too much whining about my own life
4. why not update?
5. it just sucks

However, i think over again and get 6 reasons why i should keep this blog

1. it records many truth moments about my personal life. even though we all can not handle truth
2. it keeps record about how immature i used to be.
3. so.., when i made improvement in writing or living style, it will show from this blog
4. it shows my existence in blogsphere
5. it recorded my struggling sometimes. not beautiful moment but a treasure.
6. so people who read it might sympathsize with me

so, I will keep blogging.